How to Recover When Your Partner Gets Sober

I am working on learning how to deal with the strong feelings of guilt and shame when they come. Realizing that your compatibility with someone was largely predicated on drinking together can be a gut punch. My husband and I had to get to know each other all over again. My drinking self was down for a good party and talking shit on someone’s patio. Because you’re not going to be the same person you were when you drank. I had to recover from addiction, and my wife had to recover from so many years spent in codependency and dysfunction.

  • And I think pretty much all of the posts on how to break the stronghold of porn apply to both men and women.
  • You know, you’re arguing over the same video that you’re just looking at the same time.
  • You know, sometimes couples will say things like Well, I wish we had a videotape of this interaction, you know, then you can see what you said.

At Casa Palmera, our goal is to aid you in a comprehensive spiritual, physical, and emotional recovery. We offer treatment for chemical dependencies such as cocaine addiction, drug addiction and alcoholism. It is extremely important to us that you receive the highest quality medical care from our qualified staff during your stay. “In sickness and in health.” Those words are a familiar part of a marriage vow, when a couple commits to staying together no matter what. Everyone knows that alcoholism destroys marriages. I’ve read about a 20 percent increase in divorce rate when abusive drinking is in play.

The Right Treatment Facility

These situations become dangerous fairly quickly. The strength of personal and romantic relationships is truly put to the test in recovery from alcohol or drug abuse. Remember that alcoholism is a progressive and incurable disease but recovery is possible. Encourage your spouse to seek help and be patient and supportive throughout the process. When you are ready to take action, we can help you at Gratitude Lodge in Southern California. Confronting alcoholism is a challenging process both for those abusing alcohol and their loved ones.

How does sobriety affect relationships?

Once we're sober, we're able to start thinking more clearly. We're able to more honest with ourselves. We're able to be clear and upfront with the people we're close to. These are some of the powerful ways in which our relationships are changed with sobriety.

If this was repeated severally, the spouse lost all trust and have difficulty trusting the now sober guy again. They wonder what makes this time different, treading the relationship with fear as they did previously, fearing triggering an argument or a slip. So, I’ve officially closed my private practice after 40 years.


The person who has just recovered from substance abuse disorder will have to put in efforts to rebuild the lost trust. The survival of the marriage will depend on whether both of them are reading from the same page and are willing to make amends and offer support whenever possible. And not to say this case is that couples are really underserved. People have to work hard to find me. Unfortunately, I gotta change that. Say we’ve been impacted by addiction and recovery.

There’s actually a term for this called embedded codes. These are unique little saves, and jokes only between the partners, and everyone else would hear it though. But it means it’s, it’s meaningful to you.

Addiction Strains Relationships

If you are bored because you’re not drinking alcohol, there is something else going on, and typically, boredom is an excuse. So if you’re met with other people’s opinions about what you should and shouldn’t do in your drinking and the fact that you don’t have a problem, please remind yourself why you want to stay sober. You don’t know what life is like sober vs. drinking until you get sober and allow yourself to reap the benefits.

marriage changes after sobriety

It’s recommended that the supportive partner seeks their own support during the recovery process. You may consider individual therapy or a peer-led support program like Al-Anon. Because of the difficult aspects of substance use recovery, the partner in recovery may not initially have the energy to commit to healing the relationship. Some couples can thrive immediately after the addicted partner becomes sober.

Common Marriage Changes After Sobriety

Your partner may relapse one or more times before finally achieving long-term sobriety. According to 2018 research, supportive relationships with family, spouses, and sponsors help those working toward sobriety sustain their recovery. It may require an intentional and lengthy process for both partners to learn how to rebuild trust within the relationship.

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